


What Now?

by bayleytobank



Category: Proffesional Wrestling, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment, ambrollins - Fandom
Genre: Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, ambrollins - Freeform, deadass wrote this while listening to billie eilish, dean ambrose deserves the world, dont hate me for this, im so sorry, really sad and angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-06 01:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11590533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bayleytobank/pseuds/bayleytobank
Summary: In which Dean Ambrose confronts Seth Rollins about the reason for his betrayal that he still hasn't gotten over years later.





	What Now?

**Author's Note:**

> guys i just wanted to let you know that this is kayfabe compliant, aka this fanfic is completely written about the characters and not the actors themselves. i hope you guys enjoy this!  
> feel free to leave a comment behind, and if you have any suggestions for me to write i'd truly appreciate them. (i don't mind writing about any pairing, so let me know!)

Seth heaved a long sigh as he slumped down against the lockers, taking a long look at his shaky and tired hands. His knuckles were bruised badly, but it was nothing he wasn’t used to. After a match like that with a formidable opponent that happened to be double his size, he expected much worse. Slowly, he drew a lock of his now damp hair behind his ears and forced himself back up, using the lockers as support.

“You look like shit, but that’s nothing new honestly.” Dean mumbled, walking into the room apprehensively and watching Seth wince in pain as he attempted to remove his heavy boots. He could feel the ache radiating off of his body.

Seth wasn’t even startled nor surprised. He had seen Dean linger in the hallway outside the locker room, waiting for everybody to leave before he could come inside and talk to him. He probably wanted to see him alone. Seth turned around and shot him a forced smile. “You have a way with words, you know that?” 

Dean chuckled, sitting down on the bench and looking up at Seth. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” He teased, a hint of a smirk toying at the edge of his lips.

From where Seth was standing, he could point out every single detail in Dean’s face. He had red rimmed eyes, so red that he started to worry slightly, wondering when was the last time he had slept properly.

But then again, Dean always looked tired and defeated. He was definitely a softer person outside the ring, but all the wrestling must fuel his angst. He understands though, because wrestling is his only outlet as well. 

Dean kept running his fingers across his hair in an attempt to remove the hair that was stuck on his forehead, but his hair would flop back down inevitably. So he gave up. After a minute or so of Seth watching him intently, Dean cleared his throat. “You know; a picture would last longer. Go ahead, take one. I don’t judge.”

Seth rolled his eyes and tossed his gloves on the floor after he managed to slip them off of his hands. “Shut up Ambrose.” He said, turning around to open his locker and take out his clean clothes. “You look like you haven’t slept in years, and I’m actually concerned.”

“No shit.” Dean replied, lying down on his back to gaze at the ceiling. “I can’t sleep. I’m not eating. Everything’s going to shit so fast and I don’t know what to do.”  
Seth looked at him from over his shoulder, “Care to elaborate?” He asked, this time softly. Dean venting is definitely rare and not an easy sight to see, so he decided that his shower can wait. If Dean wanted to have his undivided attention, then it’s all his. That’s the least he could do after all, after everything…

“No.” Dean huffed, sitting back up to give Seth some space to sit on. “I don’t want to.”

“Okay.” Seth responded understandingly, sitting down next to him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Dean, so he settled for the floor. “What do you want to talk about instead?”

Dean didn’t reply. Instead, he scooted over to sit closer to him. Something about their proximity made him feel at ease. Seth was always easy to talk to, about anything. And God did he miss him, he missed everything about him. He missed their casual chatter, the laughs that they’ve shared, sharing a hotel room with Roman as a team when the industry was too cheap to rent them separate rooms. They would play video games all day and order take out and pull pranks on the other wrestlers. He grew especially fond of the moments where he would watch Seth fall asleep on the bed across from his, the dim night light bringing every single detail in his face to focus. He missed them.

“Why Seth, why?” Dean croaked painfully, his voice coming out weaker than he expected. He was ashamed, he should’ve sounded tougher, nonchalant. That was what he is after all, an unstable man who couldn’t give a damn about the world. A man who could drink his problems away and forget about them the very next day. But this time it was different, no amount of alcohol could make him forget about the first time he found friends he could rely on. The first time he didn’t feel like the loneliest man in the world. The first time he fell in love hard and fast.

Seth knew, he knew what Dean was talking about it. And he knew that the question was bound to come. Suddenly everything felt heavier, and no matter how hard Seth tried, he couldn’t peel his eyes off of the floor. He couldn’t possibly bring himself to watch Dean in a vulnerable state. 

_Dean was never vulnerable._  
He never knew that the impact of his betrayal would be this bad. But he had to. God knew he had to.

“Dean let’s not talk abou-“ Seth whispered calmly, before getting interrupted. 

“Why the fuck not, Seth? Huh? Why not? I deserve to know! Hell, Roman deserves to know.” Dean screamed at the top of his lungs. Alone or not, he no longer cared. He was tired and heartbroken and angry and he wanted answers. “And all we get are bullshit excuses like ‘I want to be the best’ or ‘You guys were holding me back’ or ‘The Shield was getting old’.” He spat. “You’re an asshole, Seth. The biggest stuck up asshole in history, but you’re not a disloyal prick. I know you.” His chest was heaving at this point, rising and falling fast and painfully. “You would never do anything like that. This is why I trusted you. Yet you betrayed us, and after that day everything I do is wonder why, or what went wrong.” He rubbed his temple and chewed his bottom lip in relentless anger. “Roman seems to buy your act, but I don’t. He got over it, but I didn’t. So why, Seth? Why?” Dean was shaking and crying and he was losing his mind again. Maybe he was just fooling himself, maybe there wasn’t any other reason. “I thought…” Dean paused, his fingers curled into fists so tight his knuckles started to turn white. His mental health was definitely not on his side; it never was anyways. “… I thought maybe it was me, maybe I drove you away because of the person I am… Please Seth.” He begged, his vision now blurry and hazy. He felt lightheaded. “I deserve to know.”

“It was never about you.” Seth barked back, forcing himself with every ounce of power left in his body to look at Dean. His heart broke and a lump started to form in his throat at the sight of him like this. He looked so bad in this state, so defenseless and exposed. “It was never about you, or Roman. You were my brothers.”

Dean shook his head aggressively. “Roman was your brother.” He corrected, his tone sharp. “We were never brothers, Seth, and you know that. You goddamn know this too well.” He yelled, now on the balls of his feet. He couldn’t sit down anymore, he felt weak and stupid. He viciously wiped his eyes and sniffled. “What we had… it was far from brotherhood.”

Something inside Seth snapped, and now he was angry. His lips were drawn in an awful scowl. He stood up, jabbing an accusing finger against Dean’s chest. “So you wanted me to stay in The Shield and pretend like everything was peachy and I wasn’t falling for you, huh? You wanted me to kill myself slowly with being around you constantly and not being able to touch you or kiss you whenever I wanted? Is that what you fucking wanted Dean?” Seth’s voice was loud, so loud that the entire room was buzzing with energy, so loud that even Dean shrunk and flinched. “I couldn’t stay because I was falling for you, I was falling so hard and I knew that there was nothing I could do. At some point all I ever thought of was you. You. You. Your hands, your face, your body, your voice, everything about you drove me fucking nuts. I had to hold myself back from kissing you and hugging you and claiming you as mine.” Seth took a breath, all of his screaming now straining his voice. He started to sound like a pre-pubescent boy now. “I wanted you to myself, I wanted you to be mine. But if I had you, Dean, I would risk everything. Everything. After working so hard…” His voice was shaking terribly. Dean wanted to reach out and stroke his face, anything to calm him down, but his body was frozen. He felt paralyzed. “And tolerating all the years where we were just treated as punching bags and getting sidelined just for other wrestlers to thrive, we finally got to the top. We’re leading our own careers. Imagine having to watch this all go to waste if we got together. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. I had to leave, Dean. Do you understand now?”

Dean couldn’t talk, couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. The only thing he could feel was the coolness of the locker against his sweaty back. Otherwise, he was numb. Maybe the realization that Seth loved him back all that time made him feel stricken, or the fact that Seth chose his career over them. But he was right after all, he was right about everything. If they were to be together in the public eye, they would lose their jobs instantly. The wrestling community was ruthless and extremely homophobic, and their entire fan base were super hyper masculine and unaccepting. 

“The betrayal wasn’t even easy on me. I saw your face in the ring. You looked so shocked when I slammed Roman with the steel chair. And even as I walked up to you…” His lips were quivering, and it took everything in him not to break down and cry. “You held your ground. You saw me taking a swing at you, and you held your ground because you never would have believed that I would betray you. That image of you was everything I saw every time I closed my eyes.” Seth pressed his lips shut and looked away, sniffing. “I couldn’t think of anything else. I had to.”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this, Seth?” Dean managed to speak but with upmost difficulty. Every word that came out of his lips felt hefty on his tongue.

Seth walked up to him, closely, and cupped his cheek with his right hand, keeping his left one by his side. He gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. Dean leaned into his touch slightly, savoring the moment while it lasted. It felt so peaceful, so serene, and he wanted it to last forever. He felt safe like that. “I couldn’t” Seth whispered, his eyes glistening with tears that were on the verge of spilling. “The thought of confronting you about it made me scared of rejection. It took me a while to realize that the feelings we had were mutual, and by the time I did, it was already too late. I didn’t want you to freak out or get all disgusted by me.” Seth shrugged, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat earlier. “I’ve hooked up with a couple of boys in high school, and it was never anything serious. It was casual and open. But I can’t have that, at least not anymore. I don’t want to lose my job. It’s the only thing I’ve worked so hard for and the only thing I’ve ever loved doing. And I know that it’s the same case with you. I mean, look at us, we’re in WWE! All of it is a dream.”

“Yeah, a dream.” Dean snorted, forcing Seth’s hand away from his cheek. “Every time I have a match, I always feel drained and unexcited. Everything feels so different now. I’m not even the same way I used to be.” He admitted, noticing Seth’s pained look when Dean dismissed him. “Nothing about this is a dream. Not anymore”

“I know.” Seth nodded, his hand dropping back to his side. Both of them stood in front of each other in silence. They couldn’t tell long they stood like this, but it felt like hours. Slow, dreadful hours.

It was understood that both of them needed time to comprehend what just happened. It wasn’t easy, nothing about what just happened was easy on the mind.  
Dean softly wrapped his fingers around Seth’s wrist, breaking the latter’s chain of thoughts. Seth smiled lazily at the taller man and pulled him closer to his body almost instinctly. In response, Dean looked down at him and took a shaky breath, before he broke the silence and mumbled the only words that were buzzing in his head from the start. “What now?”

“I don’t know.” Seth looked back at him, his smile faltering. “What do you think we should do?” 

Dean was still angry. He was still so shaken up even a couple of years after Seth’s betrayal, he was angry at Seth for not letting him know that he loved him back all those years,  
he was mad at the universe for not letting them be together. The odds were stacked up against them. They were never bound to happen or to be together, he made amends with that. But right now, with his skin against his and with them breathing the same air, the boundaries were blurred. Right now, he couldn’t give a flying fuck about what the universe planned against them.

Dean grabbed Seth by his gear that was drenched in sweat and pulled his body towards his own, their lips clashing together hungrily. Nothing about it was sweet or reminiscent, it was vicious with lips and tongues and teeth, and neither of them wanted it to stop. Seth’s back was slammed against the locker harshly, but he didn’t mind at all. Dean was all over him, not even giving him a second to breathe. Seth didn’t need to breathe though; he was just doing just fine. His hands snaked around Dean’s waist and pulled him close, as close as he possibly could, leaving absolutely no space between them. Everything about it, from the kissing to the way they're latched onto each other for dear life, made it feel like they have done this a million times. It felt so right, so good.  
Seth broke off the kiss, only to leave wet and sloppy kisses down Dean’s neck. Dean whimpered silently, his eyes fluttering shut and his nails digging into Seth’s arms once he felt him suck. That was going to leave a mark, and he knew he’ll get in trouble for it. But he truly wished that it would take a long time to fade. He fucking wanted it on his neck forever.

“Dean.” Seth whispered against his lips, heavy pants escaping his lips. “I really want you right now.”

Dean smiled devilishly, and Seth’s heart melted. It’s been a while since Dean looked like himself again, with his mischievous and naughty demeanor. He watched him take out a pair of keys from his pocket and grin widely. “If you can keep it on for like two minutes extra we can make it to the hotel we’re staying at, tell the others you’re crashing over for the night.”

Seth laughed and pressed another kiss against Dean’s lips, this time a little. “Deal, it can wait.”

Dean kissed him back, then pulled back and tugged at Seth’s bottom lip with his teeth, which drove him crazy. “Good, cause it’ll be worth it.” He promised with a suggestive wink.  
**  
Their bare bodies lied tangled beneath the hotel sheets that smelled like vodka and something citrusy. Dean must have spilled a little bit of alcohol on his bed at some point that day. Seth felt like he should address Dean’s unhealthy drinking habits one day, but tonight wasn’t the right time. He had rested his head against Dean’s chest that was rising and falling softly, and had his arms wrapped around his figure. They were both jigsaw pieces that fit so perfectly with one another. He loved him with every inch of his heart. 

“What now?” Dean mimicked what he had said earlier in the locker room with a cackle.  
Seth groaned and rolled his eyes, shoving him gently and propping himself up on one elbow so that he could watch Dean. He looked happy, sincerely happy with a stupid smile taking up all of his face. Seth hated himself for taking that away from him for so long.

“It’s so like you to ruin the moment.” Seth teased, leaving a kiss behind his ear. Dean smiled in response, but his smile quickly faded afterwards.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Dean said, reaching out to stroke Seth’s hair. It felt so soft against his calloused fingers. “So rest-assured. I’m not going to do anything to risk our jobs being taken away from us. So if you want this to be a one-time thing, then so be it.”

“What if I don’t want it to be a one-time thing?” Seth asked, looking down at him fondly. Dean shook his head, laughing bitterly and cupping Seth’s face with his hand. “Do you think we can have that? It’ll start off as secretive, then we’ll fall even harder and it’ll be impossible not to have you as my own and let the world know you’re mine. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do.”

Seth nodded, resting his head once again on Dean’s chest and let his eyes close shut. This time, his arms were wrapped so tightly around Dean’s body, scared that if he let go then he’d wake up to realize that all of that was a dream. “I don’t want this night to end. You don’t understand how long I’ve wanted this to happen, Dean.”

Dean kept stroking his hair reassuringly, and kissed his head gently. “Me neither.” He whispered. “It feels so surreal. I don’t want to let go of you either.” He continued as he stared at the fan in the ceiling swing slowly. He kept wondering what would happen afterwards. Are they going to move on and find other people to fall in love with? Or will only one of them move on with the other still pining helplessly over the other. 

Maybe neither of them will move on, maybe they were created for one another only to be brought apart by the universe.

“I love you Seth.” Dean said, his throat feeling tight. “I love you so fucking much. I don’t want us to be over, at least not yet. No matter how hard it gets, I’m willing to go through it all for you. What do you say? Should we?” Dean asked hesitantly. The room was now spinning around him, the fear of rejection bubbling inside his chest once again. Seth still hasn’t replied. “Seth…? Seth? What do you think?”

He was met with nothing but steady breathing.

Seth had fallen asleep.


End file.
